A Little Flirt Don’t Hurt…

This week I am following up on a talk I gave to a wonderful group of girls here up north.  Each post will be focusing on a topic that I have not addressed on the Quill in quite a while — flirtation.  While modesty addresses our appearance, flirtation addresses our actions.  These actions can either reflect the love of Christ in us, or a love of us in us!

Flirtation is rooted in a desire for attention, just like immodesty is.  Both bring the eye to self, glorifying appearance and action that might otherwise go unnoticed.  I am going to relay a story here that I told the girls yesterday:

When I was fifteen, I was spending a lot of time out on the ski hills at night with my friends.  There was a certain lift where the staff member was a young man from Colombia.  He was friendly, and probably quite cold, lonely and bored as well.  So, most likely for some entertainment, he decided to pick me as his target of flattery.  With a white, winning grin he declared that I had a “bee-yoo-teeful smile”.  I was — well, flattered!  No guy had ever told me that before… so I smiled even more.  Soon smiles turned to waves, and eventually that turned to him blowing me a kiss and giving me a little ski resort pin (he gave one to my friend too).  After a few days of this going on, I ‘happened’ to be skiing alone at the end of the day, ‘looking for my brother’ — of course.  As I approached him, he asked, “Is thees your last run of the night?” “Yes,” I smiled (conveniently)“Well then, I shall say goodbye like we say eet in Colombia.” And he draped an arm over my shoulder, pulled me close and gave me a big *smack!* on the cheek.  At first I was pleased, then I was shocked, and then I was appalled… and then I began to cry.  Who could have thought things could have escalated that fast?

That’s how flirtation is.  It starts “innocent”, just as ‘fun’, and then someone has the potential to get shocked — always emotionally, and then sometimes physically.  Flirtation is like playing with fire, to use an age-old cliche’.  One of the persons involved usually thinks things are more serious than they actually are, and when they find out they are wrong, their hearts are broken and burned.  

Over the next few days I am going to discuss the methods of flirtation in more depth (for my girls, this will be a more thorough examination of what you already heard, with examples of such behavior), and I will also be getting into the effects it can have on your relationships with God and family. 

“Stolen kisses require an accomplice”, and no flirtatious situation is ever completely one-sided.  Someone is either intiating or encouraging.  Our job as Christian girls is to honor God and our future husband by being pleasant and friendly, but not suggestive of intentions we do not have.  In interaction with young men, remember this: could you say, act and gesture the same way if your husband were standing right beside you?  If you couldn’t without some serious jealousy problems, then you are treading on ground that is not yours to walk on.  Think also of the young man’s future wife.  What would she be thinking if she were standing there?  Remain above reproach.  We will discuss how to do that right after this commercial break :-).


6 Responses

  1. This was a great article, Phylicia. Jocelyn wrote an article on Growing In Grace about having a boyfriend, and about how we only need one “boy”, and he needs to be a man before we can meet him. I think it’s also a little about why we as Christians don’t need to date to find the “perfect man” for us too. You should go read it. I think it was one of her Thorns ‘n’ Roses articles.

    I have a good mind that a lot of Christian girls are easily seduced by this kind of emotions. Flattery is harmful, and the Bible warns us about it. We should not act flirtatious around anyone. It’s ok to be happy and be friendly, but there is a line which should not be crossed.

    As for “stolen” kisses, I agree that they “require an accomplice.” It takes two to have a relationship, not just one person. I think a lot of girls who try to be modest (like yourself in your story) don’t realize when they are in danger of becoming heart-broken and ‘burned out’. They don’t have the understanding. That I think is where the parents are supposed to come in.

    Well, this was an encouraging post, (again!). I’m glad I receive your updates. I have been very encouraged by reading your blog. Thank you for the great article. 🙂

    love and blessings!
    Lady Rachel

  2. Oh and I want to add to that that girls can also be flirtatious online with there boy friends. It’s a very harmful thing, and the parents should monitor them until they have an understanding of what is going on. Thank you again!
    love and blessings!
    Lady Rachel

  3. Dear Phylicia,
    It can be a very thin line being friendly and flirting. Before getting married I would often smile at others (girls or guys) and would be friendly. Not giving hugs or anything, I’m not the type to hug a lot.

    Here is a funny story…I worked the drive through at a fast food resturant before I got married. There was a guy that came through every day and would pay with his credit/debit card. On the back he wrote “see ID”. So every day I asked for his ID. On the third day he said that he appriciated me doing that, but it was okay if I didn’t ask him agian. He said this with a coy smile, the one that you go…ohh, “nice smile”. Well, the next day I asked him again and he got a little silly about it, but I told him straight up, if he didn’t want me to ask for his ID then he should not have put it on the card. After that he started coming in instead and began his flirting with one of my co-workers. I was glad it was her and not me as I was engaged and not interested in getting another guys attention except for my feonce’s. *smile*

    I do have another story I could share, but I think one is enough. I think when you start doing things that could be considered flirting and you are only intending on being kind you ought to make sure to be seen with a good friend of the opposite gender around the one who may think you are flirting so onone gets hurt. *smile*

    Just an idea for thought. Remember to pray always and that God is always right here with us.

    Blessings, -me- (Mommy of two little blessings)

  4. Wow! All I can say is ouch! What a convicting message! I definatley have a ton to think about. Am I respecting my guy friends enough not to flirt with them? Another OUCH!
    Really great post, though. Keep ’em comin’! =D

  5. I am definitely looking forward to this week!

    I guess this has been something I have been thinking recently. Possibly because I have been observing a very obvious flirtation between two of my friends. (Not that I am jealous, or anything, but I have become quite good at noticing what goes on around me)

    And looking back, I realize that I was unintentionally flirting with a young man when I was in ninth grade. It wasn’t anything serious, but I have really been thinking about my actions two years ago. I haven’t seen him since then, but I regret that what I thought of as a simple friendship may have been seen otherwise.


  6. I read this post and the next one, and all I can say is “Wow!” You really have some great points.

    Thanks so much for sharing your insights! Keep posting! 🙂

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