The Lonely Road

Did you know you aren’t complete unless you have a man on your arm?  It’s true.  The internet says so.  And so do the movies, and the books, and the television, and old Aunt Bertha.  You can’t be anybody unless you’ve got a guy to drag to every social event, preferably a different one every time.  I mean, gosh!  If you don’t, what’s wrong with you?  Are you afraid of guys?  That has to be it.  Listen, I will help you.  Let’s make this a little lower and this a little higher, and we’ll have you sporting a regular Clark Gable like a Rolex watch.  You’ll see — I’ll help you…

That’s about how it goes!  While most of that remains unsaid, I usually get s standard reaction to my admission of not ‘having a boyfriend yet’:  “What? What’s wrong with you? Er, I mean, what’s wrong with them?”  This isn’t a slam against well-meaning questioners.  They have right to ask.  But they always try to cover up their astonishment at the absurdity by blaming it on the guys around here.  “Hmph, well they don’t know good when they see it… er, what’s wrong with the fellas around here?  Are there any?  Hmph, probably the atmosphere or something, not conducive to matchmaking… so do you get out much?” 

Yes, it is pretty funny. That’s how you have to view it, because if you take those things seriously you will never be content.  The world around us, as I am sure you have realized, has made ‘love’ (which it isn’t) the highest goal.  If you don’t have a guy you just aren’t a whole person!  Single women are seen as constantly ‘in between’ relationships.  There is no neutral ground.  You’re either with a guy, breaking up with a guy, or looking for a guy. 

As we have discussed before, waiting doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing.  And it doesn’t mean you’re afraid of guys.  And it DOESN’T mean marriage is the utopia we are waiting for.  I am still trying to put into words exactly what I am doing now, because it is not waiting.  I waited in high school.  Now I am out.  I would have to say that right now, I am neither waiting for a relationship nor seeking one.  Yes, I hope for one.  But my life does not revolve around my relational status, and I am not going to define my life in terms of that hope. 

That being said, do I get lonely?  Sometimes.  Not lonely for friends, and not for family, because I have the best of both.  But there are definitely times when I wish there was someone else, someone who loved me in a different way.  That’s a real desire, a perfectly valid one — because if it weren’t, people would never get married.  They’d live with a dog for the rest of their lives. 

I am not alone in my loneliness, however.  I am not alone in the sense that there are thousands of other girls who are feeling the exact same way.  What do you do with these feelings?  When it seems like you have been hoping for years, and frustration or despair set in, where do you put them?  I’ll tell you this much: don’t invite them to tea.  They’re the kind of visitors that assume the guest bedroom was built for them, and they quickly commondeer it… and never leave.  It’s your job, as the hostess of your heart, to pitch them out the door!

If your heart (and mine) is in the right place, you will have the love of the most wonderful man who ever lived.  Too often I have thought in the past, “Of course I love Him… but I can’t see or feel Him.  He isn’t enough…”  But to you girls, I can now tell you that HE IS.  He is enough. 

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you may go.”  Josh. 1:9

“For the Lord your God is a merciful God.  He will not leave you nor destroy you nor forget the covenant with your fathers that He swore to them.” Deut. 4:31

He is enough to dispel your loneliness, because He is always with you.  Because of that, we have no valid reason to be lonely.  Does that mean those feelings will no longer come?  Of course not.  But when they do come, know to “cast your cares upon the Lord, for he will sustain you”.  He is Almighty God, and He is yours to love.  So love Him!  His is a relationship that requires no waiting.  He is here now.  And you are His bride.

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One Response

  1. Phy, yes, you’ve got it. Well done.
    Love, Mom

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