Unbeknownst to Me…

Since we are discussing friendships, I am going to turn from the blessing of female friends to the delicate matter of having male ones.  We have already talked about the extent a friendship should go with a man, where and how to spend time with one and all the other logistics of such situations.  But now I turn to the possible consequences within these relationships.  While they are wonderful to have, it takes great care and attention to keep them above reproach — while also compassionate to the hearts involved.

Most of the time it seems that girls are the ones with the easy emotions.  Too often, girls run about with “Instant Relationship: Just Add Conversation” written on their foreheads.  I think one of the greatest issues with the courtship/waiting lifestyle is that is breeds girls that go into life with their hearts on their sleeves, willingly offering it to any Christian guy that looks cross-eyed at them.  I was one of those girls for a time: holding my heart in the palm of my hand, marketing it to whichever young man might have interest in it. 

I didn’t date, of course, but you don’t have to date to give your heart away.  This is where some families say that their daughters shouldn’t have young men as friends at all — because it is a threat to their emotional purity.  This, however, is an extreme defense mechanism that will prove more damaging than protective.  Rather than growing in emotional strength, the girl will continue to market her heart — just silently.  She will stifle her emotions and, in more than a few cases, will rebel against her commitment altogether. 

The key is not to remove men from the picture, because that is not only unrealistic but also stunting to the girl’s personal growth.  If a girl cannot control her emotions in an open friendship, how is that the man’s fault?  Too many girls, I having been one of them, analyze the syntax of each sentence a particular friend may have uttered in search of a hint toward ‘something more’.  Usually, there isn’t any.  But it’s easy to fabricate one.  A young woman needs to have a security and confidence of emotion that allows her to have friends without assuming they are more than that.  The problem is not with having male friends.  The problem is with how you view them — as friends, or as prospective ‘future husbands’.

These things often happen completely ‘unbeknownst’ to the other party in the friendship — namely, the man.  The truth is, it is often difficult to maintain a neutral friendship with a young man.  One of my guy friends told me once, “I don’t see why we have to be moving toward a relationship or falling apart — I think we should be able stay at a neutral stage… not moving forward, not going back.”  This is a hard balance to keep.  I could ‘between the lines’ every conversation I have with him. He wouldn’t know anything about it — he would just know his end of things, and his end is ‘just friends’.  If I did this, he would end up being completely confused that I read so much into something he meant to be taken at face value.  That is the danger of an active imagination!

The girls aren’t the only ones with emotions, however.  Guys have emotions as well.  I would say women put a little more ‘effort’ into their emotions than men, but all the same, a girl can hurt a man’s heart more than she would have ever thought… all ‘unbeknownst’ to her.  I would say the more quiet and sensitive the man, the more apt he is to form an attachment to a girl who is oblivious to his affections (any male readers may verify or refute this as they please; I am obviously speaking from experience as a female!).

From what I have learned, men don’t ‘name the children’ and dream fantastic dreams about the wedding when their emotions are being caught up.  Rather, it is more of a fascination brought about by the girl’s actions.  This is why flirtation is so dangerous.  Leading a man to believe that you ‘like’ him, when truly you don’t (or aren’t serious about it) is deceitful and false.  Fundamentally, flirtation is a form of lying.  As girls then, in our friendships with young men it is of utmost importance that we treat them the same way we would treat our own brothers (perhaps a little nicer!), without ‘special attention’ to any.

Back to Bill, the young man in my college class:  he, unbeknownst to me, decided that I was interested in him simply because I talked to him once or twice.  Out of that assumption, he inferred that every time our eyes met across the room all the angels in heaven broke into a chorus.  I was sitting at MY desk wondering why he had that ridiculous expression on his face.  I did nothing to encourage his fascination, but he formed an attachment anyway. If I was my normal outgoing self, he’d probably be picking out a ring! 

As young women we need to not only guard our own minds and emotions toward the opposite sex, but also be careful in our interactions with young men, knowing that they have hearts as well.  And for any male readers:  perhaps this gives you some insight into how girls think!  Also, be careful for your emotions as well.  Don’t let yourself be led on by a girl’s insincere actions to gain attention — especially if you are still in high school. 

 Let what was once ‘unbeknownst’ now be known!

She Meeteth Him in the Street…

This will be my final post of the topic of flirtation for a while.  We have discussed how guys flirt, how to deal with it, how girls flirt, how to prevent it, and whether or not guys can be friends.  Now I am going to address the final stage of flirtation — when it becomes who you are.

I believe that most of my readers walk with the Lord close enough that flirtation will never become a lifestyle.  But if it is left unchecked, it can quickly slide itself into everything you do.  It will be an unconscious motivation, revealed through your actions with both men and women.  It becomes who you are.

Any sin left to itself will do this.  Flirtation is no different.  Yet flirtation has greater consequences than other ‘respectable sins’ — at least that we can observe.  Flirtation encourages attention when a relationship is not in the position to culminate it.  It is treading on thin ice… and if you keep walking on it, before too long, it will crack beneath you. 

There is an example given to us of the woman who has made flirtation her personality in Proverbs 7.  Carefully read what she does, and see if you can make a corollation between her and the modern-day flirts the world presents to us:

“And behold, the woman meets him dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.  She is loud and wayward, and her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. 

She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you…”

“My husband is not at home, he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”   With much seductive speech she persuades him; with smooth talk she compels him.

… And now, oh sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth.  Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng.  Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.” (Prov. 7:10-27)

Look at the things she does; this woman 1) dresses immodestly, as a prostitute; 2) is wily of heart, evil of motivation; 3) she is loud; 4) she does not stay at home, but chases men; 5) she touches and kisses him aggressively; 6) she lies about her spiritual walk; 7) she is unfaithful to her husband; and 8 ) her ways lead to spiritual death.

This woman has let the little desires for attention to take over her life, and become who she is.  Flirtation, left to itself, will breed and fester until it takes over motivation and will.  Christ must reign in your heart to conquer it.  In our single years, Christ is our ‘Husband’.  Will you tell others that ‘he is on a long journey’ by acting as though he is not present in your life?  Or is He always with you, monitoring your actions by your love for Him?  I am confident that you girls will choose the latter.

God Bless!

Symbolic Interaction and Flirtation

You’re wondering what ‘symbolic interaction’ is, for heaven’s sake, and also what it has to do with flirtation.  Well, I will tell you.  Symbolic Interaction is a sociological term used to describe how people look at things and how it affects their behavior.  For instance, in America, mummies are a symbol of death and fear, so we react in that way.  In Egypt, however, a mummy may just be a historical symbol treated with respect, not repulsion.  So how do mummies translate into flirtation?  No, I am not going to tell you how to flirt with a mummy.  (That would be rather one-sided, if you ask me.)

Symbolic Interaction is part of my sociology class.  My sociology textbook had some interesting things to say about American culture and how people behave.  I am going to share some things from the book below, because you will find that a worldy textbook has some very interesting things to add to what we have already covered.  Please take a moment to read through it as I think it adds some scientific backing to the Biblical concepts we have been discussing.

Touching:  Not only does frequency of touching differ across cultures, but so does the meaning of touching within a culture… An experiment with surgery patients illustrates how touching can have different meanings.  The nurse, whose job it was to tell patients about their upcoming surgery, purposely touched the patients twice, once briefly on the arm when she introduced herself, and then for a full minute on the arm during the instruction period.  When she left, she also shook the patient’s hand…  Men and women reacted differently.  Touching soothed the women patients.  It lowered their blood pressure both before the surgery and for more than an hour afterward.  The men’s blood pressure increased, however.  The experimenters suggest that the men found it harder to acknowledge dependency and fear.  Instead of a comforter, the touch was a threatening reminder of their vulnerability.  Perhaps.  But the answer could be much simpler:  being touched by a pretty nurse aroused the men sexually, which increased their blood pressure… 

Eye Contact:  One way that we protect our personal bubble is by controlling eye contact.  Letting someone gaze into our eyes — unless that person is an eye doctor — can be taken as a sign that we are attracted to that person, and even an invitation to intimacy.  Wanting to become the ‘friendliest store in town’, a chain of supermarkets in Illinois ordered their checkout clerks to make direct eye contact with each customer.  Women clerks complained that men customers were taking their eye contact the wrong way, as an invitation to intimacy.  Management said they were exaggerating.  The clerks’ reply was “We know the kind of looks we’re getting back from men,” and they refused to make direct eye contact with them. 

Smiling:  In the United States, we take it for granted that clerks will smile as they wait on us.  But it isn’t this way in all cultures.  Apparently, Germans aren’t used to smiling clerks, and when Wal-Mart expanded into Germany, it brought its American ways with it.  The company ordered its German clerks to smile at customers.  They did — and the customers complained.  The German customers interpreted smiling as flirting.

Eye Encounters are a fascinating aspect of everyday life.  We use fleeting eye contact for most of our interactions, such as those with clerks or people we pass in the hall between classes.  Just as we reserve our close personal space for intimates, so, too, we reserve lingering eye contact for them. 

Several girls mentioned that they had not thought about the eye contact issue very much.  While I think it is necessary to look someone in the eyes while talking to them, looking ‘deeply’ or maintaining eye contact during a conversation with a man issues a challenge to him.  It signals that you are interested in a more intimate relationship than ‘just friends’.  I think the textbook did a good job showing how our actions can symbolize something totally different than we even intend — which is what flirtation is.

I hope all my readers have enjoyed this study of flirtation.  Rest assured I am learning right along with you!  Our next study will begin on Monday, and I will be covering “Waiting — When Not Dating”.  God Bless!

Flirtation 101: Effective Methods for Flirting

At a Christian homeschool conference a few years ago I happened to pick up a little book on a table.  The book was about dating.  I figured since it was a Christian, homeschool conference, it might have some interesting tips for single girls.  It did.

In the middle of the book were two pages — one for girls, one for guys — on how to flirt with the opposite sex.  For guys, it suggested smiling, winking, holding her hand, and commenting on her hair, eyes and skin (!).  For girls, it suggested flattering his ego, gazing into his eyes and touching his arm or leg seductively (!!).  I was flabbergasted.  What was this doing here?!  The little book was teaching how to be a Jezebel.  A hussy.  A manipulative, wily, deceitful woman of the world. 

Since we have already covered what to do when a man flirts with you, and since we have addressed the question of having friends that are male, now we turn to how to act with those friends.  Worldly girls learn by osmosis how to gain attention from men, and work that talent to their ‘advantage’.  Christian girls, however, are being trained to keep Christ as their focus, not their friends (male OR female).  Even in this, however, Christian girls can unintentionally flirt with a man. 

Methods of Flirtation

The Hair Toss:  You’ve seen it; in response to a compliment, she giggles, throws her head and flicks her mane behind her back.  This is probably the most apparent method of flirtation — painfully obvious and attention-grabbing.

Eye contact:  This, I think, is an easy place to stumble.  Where looking someone in the eyes is essential for good communication, steady eye contact with a guy send signals of “I’m really interested in you…” There is a fellow at my local college who consistently tries to make eye contact with me across the room.  If I accidentally happen to pass his gaze, he assumes I am interested in him!  Be careful how long you look into someone’s eyes. 

Giggling/Whispering:  Don’t giggle and whisper to a guy.  Doing so projects a closeness with him that either isn’t happening or shouldn’t be.  Also, giggling and whispering with a girl about a guy, with him present, is another way to gain his attention, or just attention in general.

Laughing:  Okay, here is where I have a problem.  My mom has a *cough* rambunctious laugh, and so do I.  Thus, whenever I laugh, it is usually rather loud.  This is just my natural guffaw!  However, when with young men, if you laugh extra loud or often at his jokes and comments, that is a way to tell him that you like him better than anyone else.  I have to consciously tone down my laugh around men because of this. 

Flattery:  I have one male friend who happens to notice whenever anyone cuts their hair, and he usually comments on it.  When I got my hair cut, he told me it looked nice.  I knew he wasn’t flattering me because I knew his personality.  With men you don’t know, or are only aquainted with, they may try to compliment you unnecessarily to get your reaction.  In the same way, don’t dish out compliments are that aren’t relevant to the conversation, the environment or the relationship.

*Special Note

In the olden days, when a young man thought a young woman was pretty, he would whistle at her.  This still goes on today.  Men are visual, and when they see a pretty girl, they may ‘compliment’ her by throwing out a little tune her direction.  This happened to me when I was skiing a few years ago.  A young man whistled at me, and utterly flabbergasted by it, I yelled at him to “Shut up!”.  Smooth.  When I told my parents, thinking they might understand my flabbergast-edness, they told me I had disrespected that young man.  My dad said the best thing to do in those situations is to smile and walk on.  Don’t return the attention —  but don’t scorn his attempts at a compliment either. 

Aggressiveness:  This is more common in preteen girls.  Still unaware of what to do when it comes to boys — half annoyed at them and half liking them around — they fight, wrestle and punch like one of the guys.  Girls left to themselves still do this into their late teens.  It is not attractive, and comes across quite masculine rather than feminine, as we should be. 

Touching:  Even with my friends, I really don’t touch them unless I have to — and then it’s a quick pat on the upper arm to get their attention.  Guys are very responsive to touch and it belongs within very strict boundaries.  There are certain male friends that I do hug on occasion — but then it is a ‘side hug’, never signalling any intimacy.  Of course, fathers will decide what it appropriate, but I don’t know a father alive that wants his daughter running about throwing her arms around every guy’s neck!  Now, standing stiffly next to a young man is not necessary either.  Good communicators turn and look the person in the eyes, stand close enough to talk easily but do not appear possessive of their conversation partner.

Posessiveness:  Possessive girls are often very ‘latchy’ and like to keep a guy ‘on their arm’ even if he isn’t literally on their arm!  They are also jealous and sarcastic toward other girls because they present a ‘threat’ to their crush.  Jealous girls tend to be insecure, while also assuming that the guy wants to be their friend in the first place.  Something I have learned over the years is that guys like to pick their own friends.  If they approach you, and talk to you on their own, they want to be your friend.  ‘Pushing’ yourself on them makes them feel disrespected. 

Most of these can be done, and are done, unintentionally.  This certainly isn’t Phylica’s List of Do’s and Don’ts — but I hope it helps you in evaluating your own actions when interacting with young men.  In addition, I interviewed five young men about how girls flirt, and the above methods were all given as evidence of flirtation.  

Finally, a girl who has Christ as her focus will not be concerned about getting attention from men, and will not need to use any of these methods to her ‘advantage’ — because she has the Advantage of being loved by the greatest Man of all!

Can I Have Guys as Friends?

Ah, yes — the age-old question of the homeschooled girl!  After many discussions of modesty, purity and interaction with young men, we are often left wondering what, if any, interaction we are allowed!  Can we have young men who are friends?  And if so, what is our level of friendship with them?  How do we talk to them?  What about doing things with them?  The questions go on and on!

First and foremost, men are humans just like us, and need to be treated that way.  I want to address this very basic concept first because I have seen girls take several approaches to young men out of fear.  Some put on their haughty or aloof attitudes, others become super-shy, and others just plain ignore them.  Let me ask you, do any of these approaches fit a Biblical pattern for how to treat anyone?  Men are still people, and they need to be shown that respect.  Now, our respect will be limited by some reserve simply because of it being a male/female relationship.  But keep in mind, through everything, that men have feelings, have hearts and are also owed a small measure of our respect simply by being men. 

With that in mind, we return to our question:  how close of a relationship can I have with a guy?  Since most of my readers have chosen not to date, which is also a commitment I made, you will understand that by ‘relationship’ I mean a friendship.  That is, in essence, a relationship.  Does that mean we avoid it?  No.  The truth is, having friends that are guys will probably be one of the most beneficial things you can do before marriage.  Friends give you insight into how guys think; how they talk, what they like, how they relate to girls.  Godly young men can give you wisdom concerning your walk with God.  Contrary to what the world says, you don’t have to date a man to discover his character, and a friendship can give you all the insight you need without the pressure of a dating relationship.  This model fo relating to guys has been my ‘best friend’ when it comes to understanding their approach to life! 

So how far do you go in a friendship with a guy?  When is it too deep?  Well, my parents have always known who my friends are, and though not always present, they knew who I was with and where we were.  Only just recently (since I turned 18) have I spent one-on-one time with any boy-friends — this will be discussed in a moment.  At age fourteen, I joined a high school drama group with my sisters where we formed a core group of friends, both guys and girls.  Those friends lasted all the way through high school.  Everything we did together was in groups, or with the family.  None of the guys thought we ‘liked’ them, because they had made the same commitment as us.  No pressure… just wonderful times.  We laughed, we joked, we talked, we sang, we danced — all in purity, and all in good fun.  Looking back, I would say that that group of teens probably had the best high school years of anybody!  Parents were involved, and kids were committed, and Christ reigned over it all.

Young men are often awkward around girls, trying to impress them or appear more ‘grown up’ than they are.  Girls tend to squash their little egos in the bud with condescending glances, sarcastic remarks or just by ignoring them.  Guys don’t often know what to say, so they just say what comes to mind.  If it isn’t crude, don’t respond rudely.  Give them the time of day in a pleasant manner.  Remember, they are still people! How would you like it if you saw a girl ignoring your brother’s attempts at being funny?  I’d kick her in the shins!  (Well, not really…)

Through high school my parents kept an eye on who we were with, and they still do.  But when I turned eighteen, I was given a little more latitude with my friends.   For instance, one friend of mine was going back to college this past fall, and he emailed me and asked if I would go out to lunch with him before he left.  I showed the email to my dad.  He asked me if I thought he wanted a deeper relationship, and I said I didn’t think so.  So after dad consented, I sent my friend an email saying I would pay for my own lunch, and to tell me where to meet him.  So we went downtown, ate at a little bistro, I paid for myself, and then he left for college.  Neither of us had deeper intentions than what we presented to each other. 

That is an example of how a friendship would ideally go with every young man.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that flawlessly.  That’s how it went with another friend of mine.  We essentially met in church, and as friends, spent a lot of time talking there.  Neither of us had intentions toward each other, but people began to ask me if we were an ‘item’.  Several other factors finally pushed us to go out, sit down, and talk about the friendship, clarifying where we were at and what, if anything, needed to change.  This kind of openness makes a relationship free to change and flex as it needs to.  Rigidity and fear only cause strain and stress, so the friendship can no longer be enjoyed simply for what it is.

The truth is, when you meet your husband, he isn’t going to just walk off the street and ask to court or date you.  Guys like to know the girl they are courting!  Arranged marriages are not what we are talking about here.  Thus, you will probably have a friendship with him before he asks to take it to another level.  Having pure, godly friends before him will help you to relate to him when that time comes.  You won’t be stilted, nervous or defensive to his attentions. 

In conclusion, friendships with young men are just as fun as friendships with girls — they just require a little more care and caution.  You will have to watch yourself, that your heart and motivations stay pure; you will have to watch him, so that he doesn’t get a wrong message.  Keep things open between you, him and your parents.  Mostly, don’t let a guy be only ‘your’ friend.  The best friendships with young men are those shared with your girlfriends as well.  Let Christ reign over it all — and in that freedom, enjoy time spent with guys and gals! 

If any readers have more questions on this topic that you would like to see addressed, please email me at phyliciadelta@hotmail.com.  Thanks and God bless!

Attention without Intention

 That title is a quote I found online that summed up pretty much everything I am trying to say.  It was the title of my presentation to the girls, and it is completely accurate.  Flirtation is giving and taking attention without any serious motivation behind it. 

“Yo!  Phylicia!  You are AWESOME!” It was my sixteenth summer, and I was working as a retail clerk in a greenhouse/gift store.  Being a greenhouse, the landscaping staff were also present — and Billy happened to be one of them.  “Why, exactly, am I ‘awesome’, Billy?” I asked absently, attempting to continue my work.  He considered a moment, and coming up with nothing, he shrugged and said, “You have an AWESOME purse.”  The theme of my summer were Billy’s attempts to gain my attention.  “Yo!  Phylicia!  Gimme a hug!”  “Yo!  Phylicia!  Check this out –” He would tote bags and boxes conventiently past the retail desk, groaning with the strain.  While some of this can be attributed to the typical male ego, most was due to Billy’s desire for momentary attention.  Would he have dated me?  Maybe.  But he never would have meant anything by it.  It was all in ‘fun’. 

What do you do when a guy starts flirting with you?  And what does it look like?  For many girls it can be hard to define what is flirting and what is friendly.  Some girls want to think a guy is flirting with them, when really he is just being polite and pleasant.  Others assume a flirtatious guy is ‘just friendly’ and go along with his overly-pleasant tactics. 

Guys who flirt generally are first, not Christians, and second, not close friends with you.  By close I mean family friends, or church aquaintances.  In my own experience, the men who flirted with me were almost always co-workers, customers, or employees at various stores I would stop in.  Want to know why?  Because these men have no relationship with you, aren’t looking for a relationship with you, and are only hoping for a momentary thrill.  The reason any decent guy friends you may have don’t flirt with you is because if they did, it would be taken as with serious intent.  They have a friendship with you — so if he says, “Wow, I like you hair!”  You’re thinking, “Whoa, where did that come from?  I thought we were just friends!”  Guys in the world flirt because they want female attention without the commitment of a relationship.

Guys flirt in many ways, and almost any situation can be manipulated to fit the bill they want.  Your responsibility is to determine your reaction to these situations.  The key is to keep yourself collected and pleasant.  There are three common reactions girls have when a guy flirts with them:  

1)  A girl will return the favor, flattering the guy or laughing at his attempt to gain her attention (he succeeded, as you can see).

2)  The girl will cower, unduly embarrassed by the attention, and her over-sensitivity will encourage him to tease her even more.   This girl needs to learn to collect her emotions and respond with pleasant coolness.  She has no need to be embarrassed by what the other person said, unless it is very crude (this will be addressed in later posts).

3)  The girl will respond haughtily.  This is a defense mechanism some girls form to quell their embarrassment or surprise, but it is often only effective in making the young man angry unnecessarily and sullying her own witness.

There is one response that can be taken with almost every flirtatious situation instigated by the guy.  What he wants is attention, so instead of giving it to him wholeheartedly, smile and walk away.  In some instances, this can’t be done, so what then?  I call it ‘maintaining the air of the absent’. Look like you are busy, in thought, or on your way to doing something.  Do NOT be unpleasant, but don’t be overly friendly. 

This post, as you can see, covers our responses to guy-instigated flirtation.  In my next posts I will be covering methods of female flirtation and the Great Question:  can I have guys as friends? 

God Bless!

A Little Flirt Don’t Hurt…

This week I am following up on a talk I gave to a wonderful group of girls here up north.  Each post will be focusing on a topic that I have not addressed on the Quill in quite a while — flirtation.  While modesty addresses our appearance, flirtation addresses our actions.  These actions can either reflect the love of Christ in us, or a love of us in us!

Flirtation is rooted in a desire for attention, just like immodesty is.  Both bring the eye to self, glorifying appearance and action that might otherwise go unnoticed.  I am going to relay a story here that I told the girls yesterday:

When I was fifteen, I was spending a lot of time out on the ski hills at night with my friends.  There was a certain lift where the staff member was a young man from Colombia.  He was friendly, and probably quite cold, lonely and bored as well.  So, most likely for some entertainment, he decided to pick me as his target of flattery.  With a white, winning grin he declared that I had a “bee-yoo-teeful smile”.  I was — well, flattered!  No guy had ever told me that before… so I smiled even more.  Soon smiles turned to waves, and eventually that turned to him blowing me a kiss and giving me a little ski resort pin (he gave one to my friend too).  After a few days of this going on, I ‘happened’ to be skiing alone at the end of the day, ‘looking for my brother’ — of course.  As I approached him, he asked, “Is thees your last run of the night?” “Yes,” I smiled (conveniently)“Well then, I shall say goodbye like we say eet in Colombia.” And he draped an arm over my shoulder, pulled me close and gave me a big *smack!* on the cheek.  At first I was pleased, then I was shocked, and then I was appalled… and then I began to cry.  Who could have thought things could have escalated that fast?

That’s how flirtation is.  It starts “innocent”, just as ‘fun’, and then someone has the potential to get shocked — always emotionally, and then sometimes physically.  Flirtation is like playing with fire, to use an age-old cliche’.  One of the persons involved usually thinks things are more serious than they actually are, and when they find out they are wrong, their hearts are broken and burned.  

Over the next few days I am going to discuss the methods of flirtation in more depth (for my girls, this will be a more thorough examination of what you already heard, with examples of such behavior), and I will also be getting into the effects it can have on your relationships with God and family. 

“Stolen kisses require an accomplice”, and no flirtatious situation is ever completely one-sided.  Someone is either intiating or encouraging.  Our job as Christian girls is to honor God and our future husband by being pleasant and friendly, but not suggestive of intentions we do not have.  In interaction with young men, remember this: could you say, act and gesture the same way if your husband were standing right beside you?  If you couldn’t without some serious jealousy problems, then you are treading on ground that is not yours to walk on.  Think also of the young man’s future wife.  What would she be thinking if she were standing there?  Remain above reproach.  We will discuss how to do that right after this commercial break :-).